The fear of anxiety

The fear of anxiety
I might not be able to have much time to blog as much as i want to now, well at least for this 1 month time.

Commencing work tomorrow, heard that it is going to be very demanding. I am having butterflies in my stomach now and well, kinda intimidated by the job demand. I have no choice, i have to take this job. If i were to drag any longer or be picky i will not have enough time to work and earn enough money to support my studies. I MUST take this job no matter what.

Yah this isnt the most ideal job in my mind. Physical labour isnt my forte and its not tat i dislike physical labour, i am just afraid tat i cant keep up with the demand of the work. Kinda have the "waiting to be fired by the boss" mentality haha but never at least they fire me not the other way round, tat way i didnt breach the contract haha. Still, apart from the firing by boss i am more afraid of failing myself. I dont care what other people may think about me, i must have ABSOLUTE faith in my competence and ability. If i happens to realise that i didnt put in enough effort for this job and i get fired, i might plunge into depression till school reopens haha. Oh god bless me with strength pls, literally.

Just play this new online game call Trickster online. Well its not really new as in latest 2008 game lol. I am using a Lady Fox in the game, lol look at the way she swings her bag at the monster with critical. Feel the wrath of my Prada bag!! lol. Yah cute, but i am afraid tat i might not have enough time to play this game because of my job.

Haiz, even before my actual job begins i am already having thoughts about backing off. I hope tomorrow goes well and i wont disappoint them with my performance. Boo hoo, it is nice to see my other selfs giving encouragement but i am just being delusional. It is the same as playing rock-paper-scissors with myself. An encouragement from anyone beside myself would be the most ideal now, haiz.

And i noe they are around, but the current low-self-esteem me just cant seem to perceive them. Haiz... This feeling is almost the same as scoring B- for my subjects, if that is lol. Choy....haiz