Watching by stagnant

Watching by stagnant

Well i guess from now till school reopens, i will only be blogging on every wednesday since Dragonica will be on maintenance. June ended off in a peaceful way. Went to buy new polo shirts and shorts for the new semester at Bugis and had a farewell dinner with Yuying before she flies off to Australia for her studies. The day opens with me back to relief teaching and because of the H1N1 outbreak, i will be able to do relief teaching this whole week. Yah back to relief teaching and i am glad to be back. I think...

Samson is back at HKSS again for his NIE attachment along with his friend. Guangliang, Samuel and Siti are also back for relief teaching and along with a lot of other new faces. It's all about the interaction between peers and colleagues. Samuel is still as hardworking as usual and i am quite envious of him for being able to relief a lot of Miss Leong's classes. Guang liang is still as usual being casual with the students and good old Siti with her "usual routines" haha. Samson and the other NIE teachers dont have much relief teaching to do this week cuz they will mainly be observing and following their mentors. The students are back as usual being friendly and hyper-active. Back to normal, everything is just back to normal. I dont like it...

Even so, things just doesnt seem right to me at all. The switch from June to July is just too painful. Surely, the money is rolling into my pocket, my closets are filled with brand new clothes, new online games to play and new experience to gain from. What else could i still want to be new? New friends? Affection is nice in the beginning but as the string continues to stretch, it begins to hurt more than it feels to be nice. From afar and somewhere up in the sky or somewhere deep in my heart, i just watch in silence as everything new wraps around me without my resistance.

So i know these normal acad girls since they were sec 2 like sisters. But now they have become enemies because of some issues just because neither of them is willing to patch up. It saddens me to see this happening to them and so i ask myself: Why am i always the one patching things back when sometimes, i wasnt in the wrong at the first place?

And i just dont want to be somebody else when i cant be who you want me to be. It's not healthy for me. I have been very understanding for too long that i have completely forgotten about how i want others to understand me as well as i do for them. Everything is wrong, everything is fake, everything is just not right. Sure it feels good to have all the attention but everything I do is just about you. Where's the spotlight from you when i needed them? So some people just cast me aside when they dont need me, pleaded for my attention in time of needs and expect me to be obligating about those issues.

So i have been trying to act like if i am online on MSN now even though i am busy playing dragonica or some other stuff, trying to find time for others and trying to be understanding. That's because i care for them if not why would i bother doing so. Well, times up for being understanding. Now it's time to be understood even if it means straining a relationship. So what if everything is going to change from now on, why couldnt you try to understand me in my shoes and grow up a little...

You call me a bridge
that links people from place to place
I see myself as obsolete
Neither here nor there

You envy me with friends everywhere
never bored never lonely
I see myself as nobody here
Neither a friend nor enemy

You call it a form of adaptation
so flexible and easy to blend with
I see myself as a manifestation
Either selfish or a hypocrite

You said that i have something on my mind
who ponders a lot like if seeking for an answer
I do have some problems on my mind
wouldnt you mind if i share them out?

A word from you will make my day just fine. Be it a lady or a man.