Who can make a clown smile

It's friday and my thoughts are confuse. Most of the people in my unit are on off so not many are not around. I am the only one working though cuz i need to do the duty. I cant grumble but somehow deep down inside i feel so.....sour. It's like a mix feeling of jealousy and rage. How come they get to go for off but i cant? How can they all leave me alone in camp while everyone is away? I hate them so much! It's not alright for me to feel lonely in camp, it's like back home..... Some came back, some ask how i was doing. I appreciate their concerns but my feelings got over me. Of course i didnt diss right in front of them, i wanted to but i cant and i wont because they are not in any fault at all.....are they? If only i werent so close to them if not i wont care.....how i wish i dont need to care about my own emotions while doing work in camp, it's so frustrating. It doesnt feel natural at all if i have no one to smile at, i dont even want to care about my looks no more....Always on the run and escaping from the true, most of the problems are caused by me and not them, but i just want to push it to them tats all. Haven they understand me enough or did i just pin my hope too high.....again. How mortifying....

Anyway back at home, the computer issue has been settled. There were so minor problems but i am the boss after all so my bro has no say at all haha. Thought about getting a laptop too as discussed with Cliffy, but my bro will get away with this brand new desktop too easily haha. So most likely i wont be getting it, gonna save up the money. Bills finally arrived and yah, my phone bill for July exceeded the normal amount *though not a lot but still exceed*. Ok gonna pay bills and transport tomorrow. My senior campmates want to organise a KTV session tomorrow, Joe keep nudging me to go but i haven give him my confirmation yet. Didnt really play much of Tales at home either, somehow i dont have the mood to play or blog now. I am really forcing myself to type this.....i need a break from my social life. It's crushing me even though nothing much happen.

Shinn: Cheer up now wont you
Funny: No i cant, take my place for today please Sorrow
???: My my, this is rare.
Sorrow: Haven i surface enough for today
Funny: NO
???: And how long do you intend to stay like this, little-miss-tantrum
Funny: Not until i can forget about what happen today
Shinn: Try not to interfere with my work if you are doing so
Funny: Shinn is so mean!!
???: Even i cant stand at this sight, want me to come out
Sorrow: Only if Funny allows, rite Shinn
Shinn: Yes. It's your problem so please solve it quick
Funny: Alrite i am tired now, sleepy time
???: Ah, he sure changes his mood fast
Shinn: Looks like only he can change his mood...

When a clown starts to cry, it takes more then just a trick to make him smile