Sapphire of Blues that shine

Ah finally i have been looking forward to this week all along. This week was no better compare to last week, in fact it was worst. I keep having this headache that has been plaguing me ever since, my left ear is STILL block and it's the 2nd week already. Gonna visit the doctor again tomorrow and i hope it aint some tumour growing inside, i hope. Mood keeps swinging up and down as i try to contain my stress by surpressing my emotions. It's tough faking a smile even when you really dont want to, sometimes i just dont want to be polite and nice. I just want to throw vulgur words at people like what my other friends do, can i scold f*** openly without feeling awkward everytime? It was a painstaking day especially today. Well we were suppose to have our own unit cohesion but we were late like for about 1 hour plus cuz SOMEONE has got to choose a wrong road to drive. I was like so piss along the way and i dont like myself at all. I was grumbling, bitchy, swearing inside the car and i dont think anyone like that. I cant help it, i got the bloody headache and somehow STUCK in this traffic jam for 1 hour, legs are numb and the blah blah things that you can think of. When we finally reach there i took back whatever i said previously. I forgotten about the whole traffic jam incident and eat like normal haha. I stuff myself to the fullest there lol, i dont think i can have another bite. It was nice to have the cohesion, i really enjoy it a lot. Countdown to my Australia trip is around 10 days, i will be flying on the 19 Nov now haha, the flight keeps changing lol. Going to Sydney first, then to Brisbane and finally the destination *sorry cant disclose, miitary exercise secret haha* I am quite looking forward to this trip even though i will regret saying that haha.

For once i thought that i have lose what i had, but it keep finding me again and again. It sickens me that i cant shake you off yet somehow i enjoy the thrill along the process. Finding and losing, i dont really care. It's not what you have now that counts, it's the process of getting it that is the most fun. may never get a chance to find it but at least along the process i have try to get close. I dont think i can get it yet, the factors are too overwhelming now. Give me 10 years and yes things will change. Everyone changes, i wont like the change that i will be seeing but if i dont, i wont forgive myself. I will be selfish next time, real selfish. Meanwhile enjoying the me as i am, it wont be long i think. I will really miss....

Changes for the better, or worse...