Guardian Angel

Just got this feeling to blog suddenly. Life is plain normal as usual, my stupid part-time job is really a part-time: i barely get to work once a week haha. Well more time for me to rest AND to look for a 2nd job. At this rate i am so gonna change job soon haha, i am broke~

My time spent at home can be meaningless and of importance. Well you noe what i meant by meaningless at home: always doing nothing, slacking. The important part, is that i get to spend time at home. At home with who you asked? With my beloved mum of course haha. Mum is umm....ill. Many ppl asked why dont i take a tuition or seek another job. There is something that i didnt tell them haha. My part-time waiter job is miserable and well...kinda useless lol. Pathetic pay somemore lor, lol u really think i dont want to quit any earlier and instead wait for the end of the month? Home hasnt been very....homely. I need to stay at home and help mum out, thus now isnt a good time for me to get a temp job. When someone needs you the most and you aint there to help, the feeling can be terrible. I dont want to leave mum alone, for godsake she is MUM ok have a heart.....i have a heart. I place my need way above then anything else, but for some ppl....i just place them above my needs. My needs are superficial, materialistic and not of essential. Happiness is short but fulfilling, sadness is long and excruciating. I dont want to be sad, even so as the day goes by the fact that mum isnt feeling well is reality. No matter how happy i try to be, chatting happily online, playing mahjong with my friends or going out for gatherings, the feeling just aint the same. Of course i want to do something meaningful to help, but some things are just....beyond my comprehension. Leave the money to dad, leave the studying to bro, you just stay home and be with mum. This is my role, this is my story, this is how i am feeling now. Still, life goes on and on no matter what.

But the downs wont stop me from doing what i want to do. Even now i am looking forward to that particular day each and everyday. It's like a countdown for me haha. I may be deluding myself with this but.....i dont care. I dont care how you think, i dont care how he thinks, i dont care how much my other selfs are trying to talk sense into me. What i am doing now, i think its right. Is it wrong for me to make someone happy? Then why bother stopping me from doing that? What do i expect from this result? Does making someone smile means so much to me, or am i just trying to be a goody-toothy playing fairy angel for someone? I am just doing what i want to do and what i think is right. It might be useless, i might make a fool out of myself. I noe its extremely hard to do so but at least i try....i try doing something then just think about it. What i hope for might not turn out to be how its gonna feel. Everything might just drop like a rock, ending in an instant. I might even be suffering from some obsessive compulsive behaviour etc haha, but believe me my mind is clear like water. Imagine that when you are doing something or when you have some interesting news to share with someone, tat someone who came into your mind, who exactly are they? Yes...those are the ppl whom you like to spend time with, talking and playing, hanging out and sharing thoughts with. Those are the ppl whom you can trust with and not get sick of haha. They....are the guardian angels of our life.

Time keeps us apart, so that we will have moments thinking about each other, be it friends, family, or the guy you just met 3 minutes ago