Dream of a breeze

Roar haha, yesterday blog entry was just another terrible emo moment of my life. I kinda just switch from emo to vibrant and vice versa lately, thats so chaotic haha.

Dashing for 2 lab reports for this week: 1 for biochem and another for organic. Biochem lab report is almost complete, i just need to make further "confirmation" with my peers to see if my steps are correct or the answers tally haha. Almost got confused again by Ness when she was asking why i didnt use zero to minus the value. Its for tareing purpose, tare! I was so confused tat i called ZJ up lol, i was the one who suggested the answer and i ask him to tell me lol. Contradiction big time from Nessy haha. Organic lab report is not fun at all haha, i dont noe wat to write for the discussion portion. The exercises look simple yet i have no idea how to start on doing it haha, gonna ask around again lol. Spent almost the whole night typing my organic report for the other columns, i would say its around 65% complete now.

Organic lab today was terrible! My yield for the neutral compound was so low and that for the acidic compound was too high. High is good and i can smoke tat using the "excessive water remain" argument, but how the hell can i cook up an idea with a low yield! I must be stupid, i must have wash too much of my crystals away when i panic while doing the suction filtration. Copycat lor copycat, i saw someone washing so i did tat when i bloody hell told myself not to! Curiosity really kills and my crystal died on me, all gone gone gone. I cant get back the crystal already cuz i got no time to do so, my yield was so pathetic tat the area was smaller then my pinky finger. It was suppose to be 2g per compound and i only got like 0.07g lol, i cheated and round up to 0.15g but still tats pathetic. I am so gonna be mark down for this report haiz, I want my A....sob

Finally understood wat was going on during applied chemistry lecture today haha, drank my coffee lol. The lecturer was yapping to himself and non-sensical as usual and thanks for dumping us the assignment. Sum told us to meet up online to discuss on Monday, the questions look easy so maybe i will do it on the weekends or tomorrow after my studies. Fluid dynamic wat?? I never take Physics at A level leh and it stinks! I wonder if i am studying chemistry or physics haha. Learning to love what i hate and hating to learn what i love, nothings good NOTHING!

Its been a nice weather to sleep lately, so cool and breezy. Lucky my lesson starts at 4pm tomorrow haha so tat means i can sleep to my heart content *yeah*. Gonna wake up again tomorrow to study for the upcoming organic chemistry, everyone is mugging like hell even when the test is like 3 weeks from now lol. I give up on mugging like my peers, lately i have been so under peer pressure and other etc factors tat i have really cloud my judgement. My judgement is absolute and i alway trust it, always. I will not follow the footstep like others studying like no-lifers. Organic chem is my forte, i wont lose out haha and i got my own way to study. I got wrong for the last question during today's mass tutorial. It was my mistake to misjudge benzene ring as the priority when i neglected the amine bonds at the next carbon. Well i learn something new everyday. At least my overall stereochemistry was rite, thank god my 3D visualisation didnt fail me haha. I hate 3D, i hate it haha.

I always aim for A, i always am. Who doesnt want to Ace their results...But i honestly dont, i dont intend to further till the 4th years honours, i may or may not. Competition is hard in NUS and i noe its defnitely not easy to excel like tat in JC period now. The only thing i can do is to maintain, and the reason to A is to make sure tat i wont get too pulled down by my undesirable results. I am not aiming for a fantastic CAP score like 4.5 and above, i dont aim high but neither do i aim too low. I just want to be an average person, not tat i am not distinct enough in real life haha. Everybody wants to do well, i do too and reality is so cruel. I would rather not lead such a fake life if i am rich enough to support myself. Do you noe how much it hurts to struggle when you dont have the money to get wat you want? I am not talkin about materialistic item, i am talkin about literate survivability. The materials tat i have now are the outcome of my effort to save an scrape at every cent. Its hard to see tat i once lived in a state of utmost poverty if not from the help of relatives. I will make my family happy, give me some more time, just a little more...I am greedy and i am just jealous of almost everything, blame me just blame myself for being so materialistic. This world stinks, i want to live in my Merkaba and wonderland. I will not feel sad when the world ends, cuz it should have already ended a long time ago.

Dream oh dream,
what i feel is just the wind
of ease and breeze i wish to see
the end of the world before i cease
though whats here may have disappear
the presence felt lingers, oh mighty god

Where's that damn meteor when u need it to destroy the world, grrr...