To be love and to love for

I wish i can lead a substituted life, when i do not need to act on my own decision or when i dont need to think about the consequences of my action.

Let me countback, it has been around close to 10 years i think. I still retain my kiddy look and yah the same old "funny guy" status. Its so tiring to play the role of the clown and entertaining the audience with the same old move and same old actions all the time. When can i ever have a break?

I need a support, a really really strong support. Not a complimenting support, not one who just agrees with you all the time. Surely not one who is not supportive at all and not the type who acts to be supportive. Sometimes i just lead a day by closing half of my eyes. Half sighted and easy-going. Too easy going, way too easy....

Easier said than done. I am not bored, i am just a bit tired just a little bit tired. Just bring me the bag and i will carry it for you. I have carry and drop numerous bags along the way, somehow the load just doesnt seem to decrease at all. I can still walk, maybe not as good as before. Age is catching up and the fun is dying. Dying not dead, exchanging fun for another kind of feeling. Compassion? Love? Simplicity? No no life can never get any simpler then now. I hate complexity, it stimlates the brain cells and at the same time kills a lot more then wat you stimulated. Zzzzz

What would you do to cheer someone up? Tell a joke, share with them their stories, feeling empathy for them? I prefer the good old always-by-your-side method. Just being next to someone who is caring about you, is the most effective medicine to heal a bleeding heart wound. Wouldnt that be boring?? Nope not for me haha, maybe for the person accompanying me lol