Simplicity

The stress is taking a toll on me, i cant stand it no more. I haven been studying tat much lately despite the fact that exams are coming soon. My brain has already reach its saturation and i am in a heavy load of stress from both the exam and myself. I really dont want to do badly for my physical chemistry, i am really scare, really really scare. I dont want history to repeat itself. I will cherish my 2nd chance and its now for all or broke. Yet i am not in the mood to study or concentrate, can i really do my best?

I snap at myself this week. I was fighting with my dad for no apparent reason, i am such a terrible son. He just bought a new phone and he was so happy to show it to me. I acted like a big jerk and ask him not to bother me. When he ask me to help him out with his contact list i acted like a bastard and scolded him for bothering me instead when i was taking a break from my studies. I ended up fighting with my dad for no stupid reason all because of my stubborn and irrational behaviour. I acted so immaturely, i am so sorry dad. I was so stress up on tat day, having just finish my studies i wanted to relax and do whatever i want. I dont want to be bothered, i dont want anyone to talk to me, i just want to be left alone. Then i acted like a jerk and bring havoc to the house. I know i was wrong but i dont want to admit to it, why wont you give me a tight slap and wake me up from my attrocity dad. I hated myself for the day. It seems that nobody dares to bother me when i am studying at home, i feel like a tyrant.

Teaching tuition is the best thing for me to destress. I have so much fun playing (i mean teaching lol) with my students haha. Kenneth bullied me again with his stack of homework, he better do the homework i assign to him haha. Keryn is so obedient, i have high hopes for her to do well for this SA haha. Playing flyff, reaching the ultimate lvl 90 goal soon and i am one more step towards the higher ranking in the game. I have been watching this anime call Full Metal Alchemist, well watch tat a few years ago but only halfway through before i enter the army haha. Nice show really nice, i love Colonol Roy Mustang and Lieutanant Hawkeye haha.

Yet despite the fact that i want to proof myself out for this exam, my egoism is showing its way. Yah i will admit that i am going abit greedy. I know that i can definitely pass my exams, definitely, but i want more. I crave for the Aces and some Bs, i am really scare that physical chemistry will drag my overall results down. I hate the NUS CAP system, i hate it to the core. I hate it! Everything is cumulative, everything is back tracked to your previous performance. To sustain continuous achievement is their claim. It kills so many student along the way haiz. Not everyone is incline to a particular subject and when u do badly for just one subject thats it, you are doom. You cannot climb any higher and you are curse forever, all because of just one stupid subject and it is enough to bring to your downfall.

I dont hate myself, i hate the way i lead my life. Simplicity are bygones......long bygones.