Thank you for being a part of my life

Thank you for being a part of my life

Ha, i dont think i will bother to hide from anyone anymore. Tragic headline for the year 2008 for me: Dear and I has just broke up as of today. Boo hoo haha.

It is more like the joke of the year 2008 for me. I just told my friends a few months ago that i was dating, reluctantly, and now we just broke up lol. How am i going to face my friends when school reopen haha. Yah i am not kidding at all, Dear and I really broke up le. Break-up, divorce, seperated. Do I need to make myself any clearer?

I would of course be lying if i say that i am feeling "ok" or "alrite". I am sad, devastated, heart-broken and disappointed. There isnt much for me to "save" our relationship, things just didnt turn out the way we want it to be. Of course there are happy moments within us, but they are all nothing but past memories now. I love her a lot, i guess she just doesnt feel tat much for me and maybe in a different way. My biggest wish is only to make her happy, and seeing her happy makes me happy. Not really happy as being with her around, just....normal happy.

Right now i feel kinda awkward, we just chat like normal friends like if nothing has happen. I am really deceiving myself a lot arent I haha. Somewhere within my heart i still cant bear to let go of this relationship but what can i do? She is the one who initiated the break up with me. It is not like if that i beg, cry, or threaten to end my life will revive our relationship lol. Got to face reality like a real man, move on without her. We are still friends. Oh who am i kidding, I CANT LET YOU GO!

*Slap*, wake yourself up. Dont lose your sanity. I agree to the break up also becuz that is what she wanted also. I swear never to let you go, but you choose to let me go. This is a lot harder for me than for you to do so. Yet the reason that you gave to me is lame honestly. Still, even if you really want to break up, it doesnt matter what the reason is. The feeling is different, we feel different for each other that is a fact. So we have decided to go our own seperate ways and be normal friends.

God just like to make fun of me, everybody likes to make fun of me too. First i have happiness, the next thing i noe disappointment crush upon me like a heavy rock. You know, this is the first time i feel something so different in my life. She was my first love haha, and it doesnt matter if it is my 2nd 3rd or 4th love, i give my best to everything whole-heartedly, no discount. It is just unfair to see this coming. People will say "you must do something to save this relationship", it isnt as easy as said unlike playing RPG games. You just cant explain it through words.

And i still have tons of sms, pictures, memories and things from her in my computer and handphone. What am i going to do with them haha. Delete them? Most probably not, just reminiscence on them when i am bored bah. I am a very sentimental person haha. And life goes on even on big rainy days, i will move up as my usual self. I wonder how long will it take for me to forget about this. 1 hour, 3 days, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, never ever?

Happy memories are always so sweet, sweet when you are happy but sour when you are sad. I wish i can just cry out like a girl haha, or have someone by my side to pour my sorrows to haha. Boo hoo i haven got anyone by my side now, only my beloved pillow bah haha. Have i grow up a bit through this experience? Maybe a little, maybe. Very hard to stay strong leh after a break up, and I have to reluctantly let her go. Very reluctant, so unfair so unfair i want to procrastinate!

I wonder how you are leading your life now. Carefree and practical as usual i bet, one ear in and another ear out. Blur and easily forgotten haha. I dont want to make you feel bad about breaking up with me, yet i cant help to feel sad about this. Nobody wants to be the bad person, nobody wants to hate each other. Still, maybe for this very short moment from our break up today, would you let me hate you for just a little while for breaking up with me? No grudge to bear, just a simple hate without hatred in it. I will forget about it by tomorrow haha. Just take it as a naughty kid throwing senseless tantrum for no reason =P

I gave her a little toy in the past, i wonder what is she gonna do with it haha. Well it doesnt mean much of a value now, just another object lying around in the house. Thanks for being a part in my life.

I am just too nice, too nice to other people. Why am i always being so not nice to myself haha.

Break up loh, single again. I like to joke how good it is to be single again with my friends when i was dating, didnt noe tat it will come true so quickly haha. Ha.....ha......ha......ha.....iz.