Breaking free

Breaking free

You can run and you can hide. But somehow, someday, somewhere at some time, you will have to face the truth.

Somehow i just manage to summon up the courage to shout in all my relief teaching classes today.

Today seems rather odd. A sudden surge of emotion, a strange desire to break away from my old self and stand up once again. I dont want to feel like if i am too soft or easily intimidated.

It was hard to get the student's attention with my soft pitchy voice. I have comments from the students saying "teacher your voice very cute leh", "teacher you haven voice break ah", "teacher you join choir before is it". True enough, i cant shout. The moment i shout my voice will break into bits, thus shouting = not shouting at all in the end. At least i make my students laugh haha. The classes that i went today are quite lively, almost everyone came by to say "Hi" with me and entertain my mundane period. I never like to shout at people, i always lose in a fight whenever i fight with my little brother. So? I dont like violence but i like to make people's life miserable though haha. Today i think the students called me "cute" for more then 10 times i think. A bit sick of tat comment already lol, can they describe me with something else lol. Finally talked to Mrs Yap who looks a lot like the celebrity Michelle Chong, she looks really like her in my opinion although Yong Kang beg to differ. She asked me to help her out with one of her class even though i was having my free period. I hate free periods for your info, i hate having nothing to do so i was glad to help Mrs Yap out. Her class......lively, very lively. Chatted with the students as they play their PSP and talked about DJ max haha. So many people play DJ max on their PSP haha. I love DJ max too. And this boy whom i thought was suppose to be in 3B, was in 3C lol. He sort of tricked me lol and yah i was right, he belongs to 3B lol. Why the hell did he come over to my class in the first place lol. After work i met some of my students along the way home, looks like i got another nickname now: Mr Tick Tac Toe lol. Cuz i like to play Tick Tac Toe with my students to pass time during relief teaching and they just like to play with me i dont noe why lol, bored also lol. And they said "teacher you always play tick tac toe with us and get paid $65 lor" and i just smile at them haha. Yah, easy life and easy money.

Went for a swim after relief teaching cuz the weather looks kinda good though not sunny enough for a good tan. I felt cheated today cuz i only swam for 1 hour. Reasons: firstly, there were a bunch of kids playing at the deep pool area and disrupted EVERYBODY'S swimming routine. They keep swimming across lanes and splashing water, cant even swim in peace. Secondly, i keep having this obnoxious TOE CRAMP! You heard me, TOE CRAMP not feet or leg or muscle cramp. Freaking toe cramp on my 2nd and 4th toe. I dont noe why i was just swimming halfway when suddenly CRAMP on my toes. They were like twisted and i cant even stand properly. Tried massaging and resting but it didnt work cuz the moment the 4th toe relaxes, the 2nd toe cramps for no freaking reason. I give up, today just isnt the proper day to swim after all.

Pay day is almost coming but i am reluctant to spend my money. I am finally hitting the 4k goal in my account, plus another 1.2k from my bursary i will be like WOOT half of 10k haha. Deduction from school fees and buying of books, i should have more then enough to spend on other things. But the thing is that i dont see anything which interests me, cant seem to find the perfect shirt or perfect bag for me to buy. Haiz, got money but no proper place to spend on.

Timetable planning is killing me. After seeking advice from my senior Darence, i will heed his advise and go for Organic Chemistry this semester instead of Inorganic Chemistry. Bid points are ready to go, i will not hesitate to use the ultimate if the bid points get too high. No matter what NO MATTER WHAT LIKE I SAID, i MUST have it. Besides, i haven miscalculated my bidding before and i dont intend to misbid my modules. When i have control of a situation i will always get what i want. Which is why i hate the tutorial balloting, cuz its all random and i cant control at all but only to pray. I hate leaving it to fate to decide for my future zzz, screw the balloting.

I plan to clear a Fac mod and Art gem mod for this sem. Understanding the Universe is a definite one to clear cuz i believe i got enough ammo power to fight using my bid points. My last module is still undecided yet, either a history gem or geography gem. Equally lousy but i must try to clear them so yah, leaving it to fate to decide again haha. And i cant believe that CK and YM are taking a level 3000 geography module. LEVEL 3000!!! That's advance geography module leh! Geography phobia from previous sem after getting a B-, i realise that i cant win the Geo majors haha. And CK still wants me to minor in geography, i dont want to minor tat liao lah haha.

If i dont think about it i feel a lot lighter and happier. I am trying to and i ask a few of my friends yesterday. They feel that i am thinking too much. Yah they are right i do think too much sometimes, a bad habit of mine cuz i always like to pre-emp certain issues only to make myself more miserable. I dont want to think about it now, i dont really want to care, i try not to care about it. I just want to be myself and walk my own road alone now. Leave the memories behind, leave the misery behind. I will still miss it at certain moments but i wont be thinking about it constantly now. I want to be free and live out of my own prison.

I like you, in another way then before. We are still friends and i would really prefer to see ourself as friends. Breaking free now....