Living for a better tomorrow and a better you

Living for a better tomorrow and a better you

I am just super bored today. I am kinda sick of playing my Trickster. Tried playing back Fiesta and Maplestory (yes i am tat bored to play maplestory) but the feelin isnt there. Ger is really happy to see me back in Fiesta playing and i just dont want to disappoint her. She cares to much for me in the game. She even reserve a seat for me in the guild with her authority and that guild is not any other guild. It is one of the top guilds in that server and i just cant bear to disappoint her. I will play fiesta for her sake and along the way i will try to find back the joy in it.

So bored now, i really dont noe what i am going to do tomorrow if i dont go for relief teaching. The schools still refuse to call me haiz i am kinda giving up hope now. Oh well i will just take it as a one month break for me before school starts.

I went in and take a look at this blog today. Doesnt really seems to change much. The author seems to want to commit suicide. Lets see now, he wanted to commit suicide last month, a few weeks ago, hmm and he is still not dead yet. Still not dead and still want to commit suicide. So is he gonna just die or not? Most probably not haha, i doubt he even dares to cut his wrist. I dare him to cut now if he were to read my blog. I say CUT YOU BLOODY FOOL! Kids, they are just like NATO: No Action Talk Only. I hate these kind of people. Nah he isnt suicidal, he is just using that as a tool to seek attention. Whose attention? How should i noe i am not psychic haha. He just wants that particular person's attention. But boo hoo Mr Particular Person is ignoring him and he is so sad haha. Oh please, that is such a cliche manner to seek an attention from someone. And yah a disclaimer here, if that person was to pass away later it has got absolutely NOTHING to do with my blog or instigation. I am just neutral haha. But i cant help not to sympathsize him and at the same time control myself to not laugh at his stupid actions haha. Please dont die ah, your blog is better then the 7pm drama series.

I am not being sarcastic to him. I actually did tag on his blog to tell him not to die. Suicide is the most stupid way to end a person's life and much worse to SEEK another person's attention. Blah blah with the "nobody understands" or "nobody cares about me" etc CRAP! Nobody understands you because you never allow anyone to. You only do so selectively and by being picky with people, there is a cost to pay. People can be picky about you too and if u reveal your feelings to someone and that someone doesnt give a damn about you, then its good game to you. Sorry for the disappointment boo hoo, please try again haha. Zzzz, people just dont cherish what they have until they are really gone. I dont think he is a bad person by nature. I dont know that person AT ALL for godsake why do i care so much. Yah hor why do i care so much? I dont noe, maybe i just want to lol. Caring for a person, you dont need a reason to care for someone. Same like love. You only need a reason to hate and not a reason so love. So what is his reason for love and is he ever prepared to face the fact that Mr Particular Someone doesnt cares about him. So why wont he snap out from his mind and stop living in his god damn wonderland?

I think he hates me haha, hates me for being so nosey and a busybody. No choice lah i am super bored like i said, i got nothing to do and not even online game can satisfy me. It is much more fun for me to poke into other people's business. My life is a drag haha. Yah i rather he hates me and the other people who keeps trying to psycho him not to commit suicide. There is even a person by the nickname of "mum" tellin him not to die lol, i wonder if it is really his mum haha. Yah he is going to be bloody angry if he sees wat i am writing here. No choice lah someone needs to scold the bloody sense into that person's mind before he does something stupid like suicide lol. I rather he hates me or some other person then ending his life. Becuz he doesnt seems to see a reason for his existance anyway. Hating someone, that will be enough of a reason for him to stay alive. "Die after you die, I dont want to die earlier then you." That will be his motto in life if he wants to hate me haha.

Well my soul is already dead a long time ago. I dont see a reason for me to be in this world haha. But i dont dare to commit suicide or die haha. I just cant die now haha, not yet. Firstly i am scared of dying, secondly i have hesitations about my existance. I have a meaning in my life but i just choose to close an eye about my existance. I am a lazy person by nature and selfish, stingy, cheapskate and etc haha. But i have never thought about ending my life. Well maybe that time when i broke off with her but that was just for a moment only. Well honestly i have no freaking idea wat i am doing now. Talking to strangers, chatting with them etc am i going crazy? Yah and talking to these strangers who doesnt give a damn about me, why should i care so much about them. I am hopeless at home now haha.

I cant die yet like i said. I cant let my parents down, i have goals that i want to achieve, i still haven found true love yet haha and i have friends who need me around. So stay away from me Death God, i dont want to die yet. But i dont have a reason to live alone, i dont see why a cheapo and selfish person like me should be alive haha. The survival of the fittest motto doesnt fit right in this human society haha. I dont live for myself, i choose to live for the others. I may be be leading a pseudo-happy life now but i cant just give up. As long as i am alive i can still search for a better future ahead, even with the global warming and oil hike crisis going on i have no idea how to survive ahead lol. But the thing is i wont give up, becuz.......i want to see judgement day happen haha. I dont like to be alone so bored at home now, and i certainly dont want to die alone too. I want to die with everyone haha.