Drown in a sweet dream of thoughts

Haha what a relieve to be able to book out on friday. I manage to find a friend to help me cover up my duty today, thanks a lot Andy i own you one. Life in camp is still manageable but i am just finding a lot of problems for my own. Changed into my new look and i have receive a lot of comments from people. Some say that i look better, some call my glasses "gayish purple", some say that my glasses matched my look and some say blah blah blah. First of all, purple isnt a gay colour. I feel comfortable with the choice of glasses i choose and yes, i like purple so i dont mind at all. Next, when you people say that i look better, better as in i was ugly in the past *which i am clearly NOT* and now i look better or i look ok in the past, now i just look even WAY better haha. Ok ok vanity again, though i have cut my hair short i still miss flocking my fringe here and there haha, bad habit i suppose lol. I thought i can be happy in camp this week but my lost in thoughts caught up to me and drag my emotions everywhere. Do i really need to see a psychologist lol, i am clearly aware of my surroundings but i am fine. I am, really?

I tend to say a lot of mushy stuffs about my friends like how i like them or how i cherish them. They are all i have aside from my parents and who else can i shower my love to apart from my parents! The friends i make can have a huge impact on my life. I almost stray wild if it's not for my instict when i was young, sure i may have like that friend a lot but he was with the wrong crowd. I am glad that i didnt go along with him, i need a friend who cares not one who only knows how to enjoy 24/7. Not many of my friends that i make are observant enough to see through my feelings when all i do is just smile smile smile haha. I think that i can hide my feelings pretty well but lately i cant. Yah when you are down you will try your very best to cover it up not just because you dont want to share it with anyone but also you dont want people around you to feel down together with you. Who doesnt want to be cheer up by a friend when one is down? Who doesnt want to share their problems with when they need someone to talk to? I dont i dont! But who the hell is going to go around saying "hey i am sad now friend, come cheer me up"! Like what one of my friends say: Nobody knows how you feel more then you yourself does, yah i can think how you are feeling. I can even have the time to think how you are feeling when i dont even have time to moan about my own, cuz you are my friend and i place your priority over mine. That way if i can cheer you up and when i finally fall, i wont be lonely cuz i know i got you around. I like to think a lot about how people are feeling about me and stray into a spiral of thoughts: how does he feel now, how does he think of me around, am i being a nuisance, can i ask him this, shall i help him, should i ask him to go and etc so much questions i keep hitting myself with. I dont need to know how people are feeling when i already know how they feel about me. Yes i am not confident enough to raise my courage and face the problems, thats why i need you to give me a boost so that i can go through this ordeal by my own. I dont like to ask for help, i like to be asked not asking but i dont know how to express it out. When you have try doing everything by your own for so many years, being so independent doing things all by yourself, you will get tired and you will need someone to help you out. That is when a friend will come in not just to help you but also waiting for you to help him. All you need to do is be observant, for that is how trust is build. Mushy isnt it =P

Shinn: Your presence are disturbing
Sorrow: We dont have a choice
Lust: You were about to lose control of yourself again
Funny: Being happy is one thing, wanting to be happy can hurt yourself a lot.
Shinn: I am sorry guys
Dark: No no dont say sorry, i almost had a chance to appear you know
Funny: Bleah, fat chance Dark
Sorrow: At least you are ok now
Shinn: Yes i can think clearly again for now, thanks
Lust: So you can attend the Council then
Shinn: Yes. It's my world and i will do things my way

Living a life for someone, not your lover or your parents, but for someone you trust that can create happniess for you and them