A mushy friendship =P

Hmmm, keep editing and editing my blog, should be finalise now haha. Haiz wat a day it has been. Just came back in the morning from the annual AHM run conducted by SAFRA whereby all army personnel are being forced to take part actively in support of L.I.V.E lol. Woke up freaking early to eat my meal and run a freaking 21km marathon haha, both my legs are now so sore that i really really cant move them. I was surprise at myself that i finish the journey under 2hr 45mins and receive a medal, hmmm great... Beside wanting to finish the race quick so that i can go back home, i was pondering on my thoughts all the way during the whole 21km journey. There is something awaiting right at the ending point and i dont wish to miss it, i may be dillusioning myself again but just let me live in my own fairytale please, at least i will feel contented even though i am not sure if there is anyone waiting at the point for my return and greet me "hey nice run out there. tired? here have a drink." Saw static while i was resting but he seems so tired and so am i thus we didnt manage to greet each other, may tag in his blog later haha. Was being tired just another reason that i come up with again.... No activities later in the afternoon, felt abit wasted so maybe i can play my Tales later. I prefer to do something else if there is any, anything that doesnt involve loneliness.

Saturday was fun. Went over to my friend's house *lets call him Kinji* real early to meet up and go to Bugis. His house isnt exactly that ulu just deep inside, but i manage to find the block but got lost along the corner cuz i forgot his door number haha. Had some food near his house and i must conclude one thing: never to buy Bandung there ever again haha it's freaking ex IMO. Took a bus to Bugis but Kinji kept sleeping and leave me alone in the bus with my mp3, perhaps he is sleepy or am i just that plain boring??!! We walked all around Bugis both indoor and outdoor, firstly to shop around. We promise to just do some window shopping but i break my promise by buying this cool Black T-shirt with a pink gun logo. I love black and pink design haha and i just cash it. Ponder for a while and Kinji there keep asking me "want to buy or not" and well my heart has already decided so i went to try it out and buy it haha. Walked around somemore to look for a nice pants and again i spotted this no-sleeve hooded jacket with cute devil designs. I absolutely adores it haha but i dont want to overspend so pending on next month then haha. Went over to look for some rings for Kinji and both of us just keep gazing at the couple ring section as Kinji was looking for a design and i was accompanying him. I bet the salesgals and the passer-by think that we are gays haha, Kinji-san is not offended rite haha but who says that when people gaze at couple rings they must be a couple, so stereotypical IMO. I spotted this really cool silver snake ring which reminds me a lot of my favourite anime character Reina from Rave, it looks so cool and alluring haha but Kinji said that it looked "beng". Somehow my heart has set on that ring, might be buying it if i have enough spare cash after buying all my necessary stuffs and then again, maybe not haha if Kinji spotted a good ring IHO. Next we went over to Sasa and try out all kinds of cologne and perfumes haha, we practically tested out all the items haha and the salesgals there doesnt seem that friendly lol but we dont care we just try them out haha. Went over to bodyshop also to try out their products and after the whole shopping, my hands and my nose have this mixture of smells haha. As for now the things that i want to buy are:

1. A 3/4 black pants at ard 30 - 40 bucks
2. A black sneakers preferably with some pink highlights =P
3. The sleeveless hooded jacket that i spotted
4. The snake ring if i still have any left over money haha.

I am going towards this funky black-pink baddy boy look haha. A bit of cutesy fun on the outside with a pinch of bad and rebel look, i simply adores it haha. Gonna spend a bomb next month so need to scrap and save now. Kinji also have quite a number of stuffs to buy but they are all a little too.....Ex IMO. Tried convincing him to buy something more "economical" but i dont think he will listen, if it's something he likes then so be it. Just need to save more k buddy =P. I really had a great time spending time out with him shopping like this. I have never done anything like that with my other friends cuz they will usually just browse and need i mention that they are girls *no offence*!! Where can you get a guy friend who is willing to does such stuff with you haha cuz for me it's the first time i am doing this with a guy friend haha, but i like it =P. You ARE willing to do such stuffs rite, i hope i didnt force you, did i? I dont like to be in crowds also, 2 people is just the rite number of people that i like to hang out with. Some prefer a gang but i like one-on-one. Seems gayish but i just dont really like to be with gangs, too many people, too many focus to put on. Yo Kinji if you are reading this now dont blush k haha, i wont tell in the face so go read out if you want to know how i feel about it haha. Cant flatter you too much if not you will climb over my head haha. Let's go out again next time ok to buy our "targets" but i know you can be quite busy sometimes, so lets us see how it goes if you ever want to shop with me next time.

I dont really have a goal in life that deems any happiness to me. Yah i will try to be a fillial son, study hard to get into university and get a decent job. These are not goals at all, they just doesnt seem to have any meaning to my life. I am not really "happy" in a sense, more like "satisfied". Lately i have seem something in life that i am trying hard to work towards on. It may not make me happy but i just want to make you happy. When i know that you are happy i feel grealy appreciated, not by you but by myself. At least i get to make another person's life special. While running towards the goal at AHM today, my heart just race with joy. There might be nothing at the end but just knowing your presence around, i am happy to work towards that goal. You may not be there, you may not even know what i am talking about but i just want to say thanks to you. You might not know how much you have done to make me a happier person but i am sure glad that i know of someone who can make me happy. My imaginary friends can only give me the temporary happiness that i have lost or miss throughout my life but the happiness that you give stays with me. At least when i feel bored or sad, i have some happy thoughts to think about and not just any thoughts that i conjour up with in my own fantasy world. I dont think i should say more now, makes me feel like i am falling in love or something haha, mushy again =P Or perhaps i shouldnt place too much emphasis on finding happiness from friendship. They cant always be with you whenever, wherever. They will disppoint you someday in life, it's not a 'if' issue, it's a 'when' issue. Until the day comes i will embrace on what i have now while bearing in mind that i will need to let it go eventually. Nothing is forever in this ugly world and i will return to my own world if i have nowhere else to go. Happiness can bring your life up and down, just like Hope, nothing but an empty entity that defines who we really are. I have bet my life too heavily on it, guess i will be losing my sanity soon at any rate.....haha

???: So you have finally found it
???: Will it last or will it end abruptly like before
Shinn: I am not sure, that's why i dont feel confident at all
???: Are you trying to replace him with something that you have lost
Shinn: No! I have never thought of it this way ever
???: Who knows, only you yourself know it better then any of us do
Shinn: Friendship isnt any other product that you buy and replace with what you dont have, you dont even know what it feels like Karzen
Karzen: Ha ha ha, yah i sure dont.

Dont miss a goal in life that can make you happy. They might never come again if you missed it.