When enough starts to get too much

Hey hey haha, what a fruitful saturday it has been. I must say that i have finally found something fruitful to do now on my weekends apart from going out or staying at home and play my Tales. I cant say that out so obvious cuz of certain "confinement" that is tagging on me now. Let me give you a hint: i have finally abandon the "United Nation-employment status" haha so in other words i have found myself a B.O.J, get it haha? This role involves a lot of what i have learn and being down now for the past 1 year plus. You will need to hydrate yourself properly, be charismatic and most importantly HAVE PATIENCE!!! Sounds exaggearating or confusing, well of course not. My words are often twisted so have time decrypting what i have to say. I have this very very strong urge to buy my no-sleeve hooded shirt that i seen in Bugis last week, it is a bit ex but i just dont want to wait now cuz it might be gone the next time. Maybe i will go and have a look tomorrow if i have the time but if not then it's ok. Went out alone to day for my "fruitful" event haha at chinatown. I wasnt really familiar with the NE line so yup make me look like a tourist for the first time. It's been years since i have been to chinatown and MAN did i almost cant recognise it! I have got to seriously go out more often haha but it's ok, a nice experience is good for the health. I need more surprises in life haha. Lately my shopping spree and going out gene have been activated when i go out with Kinji the last time. Made me wanna go out more nowadays to "see the world" and "build up my self confidence" haha. Sure it's gonna cost me a hell-lot of my pocket but i dont really care much now, better explore and buy as much clothes as i can haha to satisfy my urge. I think i might have found my true identity for myself when i am going out. No more plain shirt and jeans, that's so typical haha. Gonna go for some style, funk, and some cutesy devil attire. Yup sounds weird but thanks to the inspiration that i have from Arietta, one of the Rokujinshou in my Tales game, pink and black with a pinch of innocent in the devil just sparks my witty self haha. I have a friend who likes pink a lot but my pink isnt as much as him, just a dash of sugar will do =P.

I choose to stay back yesterday night and came back home only on today morning, then rush out quickly haha. I choose to stay back to accompany a friend who was on duty. Many people keep asking me why i choose to stay back. Some questions dont have an answer, and my choice to stay back to accompany a friend doesnt need an answer. You can say that i am stupid, crazy, gayish or anything other nastier comments *like if i have never heard them before, duh! something creative nastier please =P* but i wont care for them. Even that friend of mine who i accompanied also ask me to go home but i refuse. I just like to stay and accompany you, anything wrong with that? My presence in staying back may mean nothing at all to him, he might even find me a nuisance staying back with him. If i am really a nuisance to him then i would like him to say that right in my face please, if you dont hate me so much to the utmost disgust then fine, i wont stay. If not then can i have the honour to stay with a friend and give him my utmost support to curb the boredom haha. I may not be that funny like my other colleagues, we may not have much to say or joke or crap and make you smile all the time, but at least i am just me, the plain old me that is your friend who is always around when you have problems in camp. I also dont want you to pay me back by staying with me the next time if i happens to stay. If you want to then fine, do it WILLINGLY and not because of the i-own-you mentality, i am not a toy who goes around accompanying people and expect to be accompanied the next time. Frankly i dont want to care how you or anyone think of me, i am a bit tired of trying to think at how other people are feeling about me. Why the hell must i feel how you think of me when you dont even bloody hell cares about how i feel for you? This kind of one-sided thinking has got to stop once and for all, i must start to act mature although i am not mature yet haha. Friends are just friends, you dont go around labelling who is your best friend or who is your true friend etc labelling, who are YOU to go around labelling people "friends" when you yourself is a psychopathic friend stalker. You dont label who your friends are meant to be, your friends are the one who have the power to label who they want YOU to be in their life and not you to go the other way round. If they really cares a lot for you then great you have found a friend who wish to understand you better, if not then f*** care about what they have to think about you. The world dont just revolve around me so i better bloody hell shake my mind out of this "imaginary friendship crisis" that is plaguing me. Enough is too much so move on with life please haha. I must maintain my manners, sorry for my umm....use of vile language, please.

Karzen: i know this will happen
Shinn: *clap clap*, what do you want for your price
Funny: Hee hee, good one
Dark: woah, sure got my taste for this
???: this wont be over that easily you know it yourself better
Shinn: yes i understand that
???: your confidence are high for now
???: soon it will plunge
Shinn: will you support me if i fall
Sorrow: i will, cuz that way i will be able to come out
Funny: eh....was that suppose to be funny
Lust: haha, you are slow Funny
Dark: look who's the idiot now
???: it's within your nature, you cant escape
???: your passion burns, but for how much longer
???: i will pray for your worries
Shinn: thanks even though you are not helping me much
Karzen: at some times, loneliness is inevitable
Shinn: yah....for once you are right

Caring for someone more then yourself doesnt make you a saint, instead you look more like a fool