Flocking memories

Haha wat a week this has been. A lot of ups and a little downs, well ups as in i am happy again haha and down as in work. Well work was tough, boss had quite a high expectation of me and i dont want to fail him. His push is really putting a toll on my concentration, it's like studying for A levels again haha getting him this and that, adding in this and that, preparing this and that, correcting this and that. If he sees anything he dislike i will change it, always on the roll 24/7 haha. It's a good training for me to work hard and not think about slacking in camp going through the days, take it as a preparation for university. Ups were fun, hanging out with campmates, crapping, running, doing all kinds of i-dont-know crazy stunts with Joe and Tohly: Toh with his Chidori and Time crisis, my Yu nu xing jing and Joe's dont noe wat ALWAYS LIKE TO MESS MY HAIR TRICK!!! Too much Naruto, kung fu and Time crisis, and now House of the Dead haha arcade fever!!. Went over to have a new hair cut, now i am having this short hair now, no longer partings. Just completed my 13km AHM training today, it was really tough argh. Try running and walking non-stop for 1 hour plus, those running 16km were even worse haha. I wanted to run 16km but i just cant take it, so gonna run tat again on tuesday. Next week is the start of hell again, going to work with lots of ICT back to back, weekends gonna burn again. I fear that the time for work and pleasure is over soon. Tohly had some problems so i just try and listen to it, but i guess i was a bit too harsh on some occasions haha. The sight that my departure is near yet i feel sad, i will be losing something important behind and i dont want to lose it. Everything got to go someday, but just not today, not yet please. Sometimes some people will just pull out the most insane stunt, just to make a person's life special.

Problems that i had are all caused by my dillusion. So much thinking, stareing in gaze, self-therapy and comforting. The light that i see is finally clear, no longer cloudy or dark. The feelings that i once had are all clouded also. What i thought my feelings were are actually just something missing in my life that i just find to patch it up. I feel so lost yet happy to regain back this feeling. Something to look towards to, someone who i can care for, someone who truly appreciates me, a feeling that i can feel comfortable with no longer in pain. Yah thats rite, i am not in love, i have found true friendship. I always see them as something hurtful. If you aint close to someone, that someone will never hurt you. What you cherish most, hurts you most, to the utmost point of despair when i see friendship as nothing but a tool for emotional comfort. I dont need anyone, i just need myself. What a selfless thought for me to say. Sure i wont know who else cares for me, but just caring for that somebody alone is contenting enough. You dont need to be happy alone, making that special someone special is all it takes to make your day special. Not all things in life will be lost forever. Somehow, somewhere, you will find that special something to fill up the gap in your life until you find back that special feeling. You may never find it alone, but together with a friend you might just found what's right in front of you all this time. Like the constellations in the sky, friendships together link by light. For when you are lost and despair of hope, the stars will shine not all for answers but also for comfort. Even the faintest drop of light will shine in the midst of all night.

???: So it's just a mixed up feeling isnt it
Shinn: Yes, i was just filling up what i had lost previously
???: You mean for him.
Shinn: I have pretty much lost what i had, i dont mind
Funny: Shinn is a horrible liar
Shinn: Even if i said i dont, it wont come back.
???: Doesnt it bother you why it's always a him and not a her
Shinn: Does it matter
???: Not really, just curious
Sorrow: We only follow what we are told
Shinn: The Judgement is almost near, it's time to reveal the votes
Funny: Yeah yeah, until then it's gonna be fun
???: Let us hope so

Hope can come in all sort of shapes and sizes, you just need a place to house it thats all.