Ballot for justice, rekindle the frustration

Life has been stupid, but not as stupid as before.

Today can by far be one of the most PISSED OFF DAY that i ever have in my whole entire 21 years of life! For a start, 2008 has been nothing but unlucky, unlucky and MORE unlucky events rolling in. Utterly embarressed, utterly. Teaching tuition today makes me wanna puke blood. To think i got stumped by a primary 5 math question, i swear that the questions set to the kids today are beyond normal human capability. Utterly embarressment as i just sit there stareing at the question and i cant explain the reasoning out to my primary 5 student, utterly disappointed by my performance, big time!

Going back home wasnt smooth either. Board on to a wacko 157 SBS bus whereby the passengers are just...wacko. An old man yelling, seat dominating lady, surprised youngster and did i need to mention the hogs in the bus. Strike 2 to piss off mood.

Strike 3 and off goes the steam engine. Was queuing up to buy dinner back home when my friend dropped the hidious HIDEOUS NEWS to me. The chemistry balloting slot is finally out today whereby we will know which tutorial slot we are having. I got NOTHING, utterly NOTHING! Fuck you! Do you understand tat! How can i NOT have a slot, its just unbelievable. Jealousy runs through my vein as i heard my friends got their desired slots. Damn you, damn you really. Of all the people why must I not have any slots. So envious of them yet so jealous, love to hate and hate to love. Grouping together a slot with friends sure is tedious, sometimes i wonder if i am being held back by all this "friendship thingy" issues. Being alone in a tutorial with no one to talk to is really boring, yet it beats getting a sucky tutorial timing. Sucky or boring, a contradicting choice. Lots of friends came flocking by to comfort me when they saw my msn nick. They know that i am not the type of person who just goes around saying "fuck you fuck you" like a hooligan. I need an anger management course. Yes its true that some of the slots that i ballot for are hot and demanding, i should be mentally prepared for the worst case scenario. I dont think i prepared enough, neither was i prepared for anything as usual. Some people took it easily and casually, but i am not like those people. I have been bearing a lot of grudges on myself and in some cases i just cant store them any longer, time to let loose. FUCK YOU DO YOU UNDERSTAND! FUCK the balloting result, i just dont wish to see it as a reality for now, really.

Its been quite a while since i have been so out of control of myself. The last time i got so angry with something, or i should say someone would be around...9 years ago. I enjoy so much being with him, no matter how much he bullies me. I really have a lot of fun playing with him when i was young. I was rather attached to him during my primary 6 days, and i never wanted him to stop noticing me so i annoy him a lot haha, provoking him uneccessarily haha. Well of course he see through me, and even though i know that both of us will end up with different paths when we grow up, i still miss him as a friend. The day was up when he got to go, he moved to somewhere else and we both end up in different schools. There wasnt much hip on MSN or exchanging of sms or handphone numbers or email address during my younger days, and now i cant find him anymore nor do i have any news about him. I am really angry at him, not because of him not making the effort to stay in contact, but for leaving me alone with no one to play with when he moved away.

I hate you, Ong Shi Hao...